Something slightly profound hit me this week. No, I'm not talking about any divine prophesy such as the one the twelve year old asked me yesterday. Unfortunately I do not know when the end of the world will happen but I do not trust it will be on Saturday. Apparently, the middle school demographic in town has its sights on this weekend. To which I say no freaking way! I have a beach to go park myself on and never leave. Good luck with dooms day darlings.

Anyhoo, I draw my answer from devotion this week…only God knows this answer, we are not God and thank the Lord for that because I do not need to know everything! Hallelujah.

Back to my profound moment on this road of personal evolution. Seeing as though Saturday will probably come and go just fine.

Self clarity 101…I've spent a good part of my life accepting suffering solely from a powerless perspective. And for me, the experience and reaction to powerlessness was learned through abuse in childhood. When we are not in control and yet dependent on others who are not honoring our well being, we are powerless. Therefore suffering equals powerless and powerless is always negative.

When I say this I mean intensely UBER negative. Suffering naturally then, is to be avoided at all costs. Not just for ourselves but for everyone around us. Insert hashtag, #hyper-vigilant. Which I think is normal human reaction but even more so for those who have lived with abuse or neglect.

But in order for us to understand grace, we have to understand we are utterly dependent on God. That dependency however is a positive one.

And so, I've been tackling this issue of powerlessness at therapy. This week I used my boys as an example and the countless times I have looked at them and thought, I could not live through witnessing this kind of struggle in their life or those they grow up loving. As if somehow avoiding suffering for them wills myself to an amount normalcy in my own life.

Normalcy…what exactly is it? Another writing topic all together for some other day.

Avoiding suffering of any kind could be looked at very differently. Yes, most mothers would never wish suffering on their child. I would argue most mothers can cause themselves a great level of anxiety thinking about all the bad things that can happen around us. But that doesn't change the fact that suffering happens.

In many cases though, suffering brings us directly to God. Our struggle so often becomes a crossroad to the cross. A stronger faith and a closer relationship with Jesus. So even though we are powerless, we trust that Jesus isn't! Because, He is the best!

Suddenly that isn't so negative.

I don't think I would have truly understood this without struggle. I would never trade Jesus for anything. Would I be at this level of faith without it? Would I be a witness to Christ without burden? That is a much different way to think about a beautiful hot mess.

Therefore I need not avoid suffering, for myself or others. Perhaps even the absence of or minimal experiences of suffering serves as a liability to faith.

It's the way we learn that He is God and we are not. ❤️

Now if you'll excuse me, decompressing from the kindergarten cop title of the week. The ten year old talking to me about the fact that he has dark hair growing in places…was not quite what I had in the decompressing mind. Oh buddy, fifth grade means health class this year and talks about puberty. This is normal okay. But yes, you can talk to Mom about it any time but really? On the expressway in a traffic jam? Well, dark hair is growing on my big toe.

Lord help me! Thank goodness God is God and I am NOT!

Now one more time…if you'll excuse me, I will be on the big lake with a book. No household responsibility, no littles to keep alive and perhaps a few adult beverages. Invitation declined…said no Mom EVA!

And we all said, A to the MEN!

Slow down enough to see and hear God's voice. ❤️

Loved By Grace,
Aimee

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