Breaking in the beach this week which feels great. I didn’t step foot out there until mid June while forcing myself so this is good progress. ☀️
It is nice downtime in the midst of teaching with D again this week. The anger from this kid is just heartbreaking. I’m usually in the middle being concerned about the other kids safety but feeling helpless witnessing his self-destruction when the anger takes hold of him. When D is calm he is the a different kid. I’ve seen and heard his tender heart. But then the anger hits and he doesn’t know how to control himself.
He wanted to stay with me today, he didn’t want to go to lunch or recess. I asked him what happens when he won’t go to lunch and he said it’s either go to lunch or don’t eat. I said to him that really hoped he would consider eating because that just makes us feel worse. D said he doesn’t care because he is used to it, he has gone a week without eating so missing lunch is no big deal. That right there is heartbreaking.
This is not a well liked kid in school. This is a child who was removed from a different school. The kids here deliberately pick on him to get a ride out of him. It’s a vicious cycle. D is kid who could likely harm someone without his anger in check. But this kid has feelings, this kid does not want to be bad. I truly know he just wants to be loved. This kid is loved dearly by Jesus.
But he is lost and much of it is out of his control. I can’t pray with D in public school but you can better believe I say prayers for him at home. And I said a silent prayer for him today right then and there as he was curled up by my feet.
In the moments when I have alone time with D I just talk to him and I ask him how he feels. I remind him that one step at a time is all we need to worry about when he feels angry. Take a deep breath, read your book and if you need to go under the desk and wait for Mrs. J to talk with you then that is totally fine with me. You matter D, don’t ever forget it. Your anger does not have to define you D and you are not fooling me. You don’t like feeling this way because you tell me that all the time.
He did decide to eat lunch today and that makes my heart happy.
When I think my struggles are in vain Jesus reminds me that pain is used for good.
Prayer is powerful stuff even in silence.❤️
Loved By Grace,