I’m not doing so well physically at the moment.  This is normal, it is something I’m used to but it stinks, it is not fun, it is a beautiful hot mess.  It started Monday and I get so angry at myself when it happens.  Never something I go looking for but here it goes and smacks me in the face nonetheless.  When it does, there is nothing else I can do but pray.

This is what it feels like to live with my experience and it never goes away.  I do not care what the reason, nobody and I do mean not a single person deserves to feel dehumanized. But as I’ve said before, shit happens in life doesn’t it peeps.  So this is me, the product of shit happens.

This is Us, #3 – OHEMGEE I MISS MY FAVORITE SHOW!  Maybe I’ll have to re-watch the whole season again.

It doesn’t matter the circumstance, it doesn’t matter the intention, if it enters my consciousness along with it comes the paralysis.  The very real fact that complete disregard for human life exists and in a flash of that moment I would rather be non-existent.  Then all I can do is wait for the physical reaction to set in, it always does.  This is a physiological fact as it is drilled in to my brain and I am told repeatedly that I’m to have very low expectations for myself when it happens.  Two days later…here we are like clockwork.

All I can do is hold on tight Jesus because You are all I have…especially in these moments when they occur.  We are not going there right now buddy.  Can I just feel a little better first before we get bombarded with this stuff?  Would You like Your answer Jesus or mine?  Because mine would be not a chance in hell, see above! But this is the point isn’t it, not my answer but Yours.  Lovely.  Thanks but I think it would be much easier to embrace my name…can I just be that for a few minutes?  You won’t let me go down that road so that is good.

I don’t ask for this on my blog but today I could use prayers if any of you could spare a few. Short, simple, honest.

Psalm 51:17 ~ The sacrifice you want Jesus, is a broken spirit. 

Psalm 34:18 ~ The Lord is near the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. 

However, this is also Jesus reminding me that He tends to recruit from the pit, not the pedestal.  So my special gift to the world is this Loves…do not feel bad for me, learn from me. ❤️

Loved By Grace,