So let's talk about the crazy dream from last night shall we… Actually, I had a number of other dreams overnight which is definitely indicative of some heavy stuff on the brain.
Miriam says dreams are the garbage of the mind which is an interesting perspective. Dreams don't make sense at all times, this is true. But there are lessons to be learned through them, it is our job to dissect the garbage part out of it first.
So back to the dream. I was in a house trying to escape or stay protected from a terrorist murderer. WTF! It was super real, much like the actual lives of the people in Syria, which breaks my heart. So while I'm taking notes about this dream I will keep this in perspective peeps. It was a dream, not a real life nightmare. In any case, I found myself running to each door and window of this place frantically trying to lock myself in to safety. There was another person inside the house with me but their identity wasn't clear in my dream. But I was trying to keep them safe too. I woke up before the ending. Well, isn't this fun times. I almost got up right then and there to write this down but I managed to fall back asleep.
Here is the thing…I can zero in on the non-garage part with so much precision these days. The house is my box and I need to lock myself in there, especially when I begin to approach heavy stuff. That is the garbage part Aimee, you can't keep locking yourself in there. This is called safety from the hurt though people, that kind of stuff. There are some things I can't let in to my consciousness or I die every single time. It literally feels like a knife to my heart, like bullets entering my chest and I might not make it back alive. All part of normal PTSD reaction which stinks but I do know there is more to it and it makes me unbelievably sad that I can't even deal. So peeps, naturally we stay away from the bullets right? One of these days I will look back on this and see only the blessings, that is what faith can do.
Back to reality. So today I'm calling John if I get the courage to do it. I'm facing the bullets. I will do this, I will unlock the safe haven and do this Aimee, we can do hard things. Crap, I'm not a person of many words unless it is on my blog otherwise I would much rather keep my mouth shut and stay in my house. Hmm, this is not too far off from actual life depending on the day and time. It is called hypervigilance, again all part of a normal reaction and yes, I stick to a safe routine including public outings. Alpine is my buddy. But today I am working on unlocking the house and calling John. Crap, maybe I should suggest meeting in person…I speak better in person, I think…I don't know this is just overwhelming at the moment. My work schedule got derailed the rest of this week so I have no excuse. Lol.
I purposely blogged today before devotion because I really can't wait to see what flies in front of my face in the middle of all of this stuff. Here are my notes…
- Leave your country (place), relatives, your house and go to where I show you.
- Travel by stages.
- Worship and trust the Lord.
- Obedience by faith, not by how well we trust the guidance (our ability to follow).
That is a good one Jesus. Duh, of course because I can't make this stuff up.
My Momma & Me traveling but it's time for me to stand even more, in the light.
Loved By Grace,
This is a perfect playlist for today and I need retail therapy. Yep, sure do.