Here we are again 3:00 AM. I hadn’t seen you in quite a while. I was sleeping so well dammit!  Jesus why do you hate me so much? We all feel like that at times. Or maybe this is when He really needs to whisper something to me. Ahhhhhh!

Hey doc, the Trazadone works like a charm but then I feel like a drunk foggy mess the next day. What is wrong with you Aimee! Get it together, the princess says. She usually gets her way.  Not with sleep right now.

Kind of like when I was 21 and told by a family member, “You look like a whore, get it together Aimee”.  You might be wondering what I was doing to deserve that or maybe you’ve already judged what I was doing? I was role playing one of my FAV movies, Pretty Woman.  Boots and all.  You might say what a terrible excuse for a human being, you monster!  Just kidding, I was at dinner.  Sitting in a tank top and shorts on a bench outside a restaurant at a strip mall. I think it was a Chinese place but we ate out a lot so I can’t remember. I was so angry about the dinner conversation I knew I was about to speak my mind and it was going to overflow with shove it where the sun doesn’t shine kind of words in the heat of the moment. Instead I decided to calm my angry hot mess down before opening my mouth. So there I was sitting on a bench and this hot mess of a soul came up and said the words, you like like a whore. Awesome! That is some majorly awesome judging wouldn’t you say? We all judge people which we shouldn’t do and…we do. Some have perfected it more than others as my whore slinging dinner experience taught me well.  Geez, no wonder why I tend to judge super judgemental people.

I’m a whore. Let that statement wash over you. Feels great doesn’t it? Lord have mercy what a beautiful hot mess that day was in lovely metro Detroit. How would you react? Well by that point holding my tongue was OUT the door. I said some choice words, so much for keeping my mouth shut. I for one, was determined to prove them wrong. Not by retailiating more but by owning my own life. It wasn’t long after that when I came home with a boyfriend almost fiancé. Ahhhhh! Princess you are so smart. That is until your beautiful hot messes show up.

Fast forward to 3:00 AM this morning.  Okay Jesus I’m awake. What do you want me to know? Instead of laying here I’ll get up and read or write.

So here on the sofa I happen upon a message on my sons iPhone which has his Dad’s apps on it. I looked down at the flashing alert. I’m seeing this at 3:00 AM seriously? So help me God can I unsee it? This is one hot mess if it’s joking or not joking.  Craig is so much more of a perfect joker than me. But is it always joking?  This could be some real problems peeps.  Nothing he and I don’t already talk about. Looking forward to that convo though. Stat! Not at 3:00 AM. Awesome.

Rewind back to April 2000. The church was dead silent, only the pastor was speaking. In the most raspy voice you can imagine, that same whore slinging soul shouted “you are so beautiful Aimee, just gorgeous!” Ahhhh, you are so smart princess. A bride, you delivered perfectly.

What happens to a person when they are told or shown many times through the intertwining with our messes that they aren’t to feel a certain way or talk about hard topics?  I tell you what happenedto me. I learned to keep myself in a box and deliver a princess because that is what everybody wanted. Until my box was blown open. Ahhhhh! What a beautiful hot mess! More to come peeps. 😊

It will never be necessary to share the names of my fellow beautiful hot mess souls. So if you don’t like something I’m talking about on here no need to feel fear about yourself. None of us could ever repay what Grace has won, including myself (Luke 7:39-50).  That’s the point. We’re all in this together.

Loved by Grace,

Aimee

 

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