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A Beautiful Hot Mess

Silent Killer

All feelings are okay. It’s okay not to be okay. This video feels like a peaceful accepting presence in the face of pain. Sharing it on my blog because it speaks to me in hard truths but ones which can and do transform into healing love.

~ taken from grief support training.

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Graffiti Wall

If you don’t write your story, someone else will write it for you and you won’t recognize it.

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Dreams

Yesterday we honored and remembered a legacy. Martin Luther King Jr. was an incredible leader, all around authentic human being and faithful man of God.

Reflecting on this leadership statement today I automatically think of him but more importantly, I think of Christ.

I don’t want to be a person who leads along an easy path, the route of taking or following where others want to go. If Martin Luther King Jr. had done that we would not have his legacy. If Jesus had done that we would not have a savior.

A great leader takes us where we don’t want to go, but ought to be. Leadership like it can count on one single truth; it will always be met with resistance. Go down the path anyway, it means we are on the right track.

This month in particular is the start of new paths for me, not because it is the beginning of 2018 but because it is time. It is a time of serving and being, a long time coming. Not all are comfortable to go here with me but I’m doing it in the right time, in the right way, and doing so following His voice and direction.

Completely off topic, favorite Cranberries lyrics right here even though I owned every song. If this was music for hippys then people, I guess I’m a hippy and damn proud of it! Dolores O’Riordan, R.I.P.

Loved By Grace,

Aimee

A psalm of David

It has been a long time since I’ve been awake late in the night with too many thoughts to drift asleep. That right there means I need to read my bible because He has something to say.

So Jesus, I really need you to speak to me and can you be direct in what it is you show me tonight? Pretty please? You know when I need to hear it most.

Psalm 37 ❤️

Loved By Grace,

Aimee

Wednesday Wisdom

Wednesday wisdom roll call from third grade reading and writing gallery:

“You really don’t care what people think.”

“About what?”

“About sitting with me. About anything.”

“Why should I?” asked Dyamonde. “I know what I think, and that’s enough.”

Free just shook his head.

“You can’t do things or not do things just ’cause somebody else thinks you should. I mean, what if they’re dumb as a rock and you’re paying attention to them? That’s silly. Anyways, can I get a couple of fries or not?”

Free pushed the plate of fries toward Dyamonde and was quiet for a long while. She sure gave Free a lot to think about.

From the book:

Make Way for Dyamonde Daniel by Nikki Grimes

Have to admit, this teacher right here paused still as a rock…pause, pause, paused…nope can’t bite my cheeks, laugh, laugh, laughed out FREAKING loud! By the way, I happened to be the narrator reading this to the class…out loud. What can I say? I try to practice the pause but this was just the BOMB of a chapter! Make way for Dyamonde Daniel!

This my friends is like a modern day clip of a Jesus parable. Now having said that, Jesus did not say dumb as a rock in scripture but the point he made was the same. OH YES it sure was so I just stop in my tracks now when I hear it spoken in modern day terms. Note to self, those Pharisees did think they were pretty smart but we know how that went…sucked rocks.

Jesus loves rocks, he loves sucky rocks and dumb rocks which is important to remember. But he sure didn’t listen to them. Just saying.

THIS! From the third grade reading library.

Did I mention how much I love this class? T, my man, OH-EM-GEE look at your epic blue hair! Well duh, of course because this kid is the BOMB of a third grader right here! T. Martinez, he drew me the portrait above in case any of us wondered. Whether you love or hate our President you have to admit, my man T nailed it!

These guys have grown a foot since before Christmas.

And J, you stayed in class today! Although my heart is just a bit sad to hear you are leaving to a new school but I know it is going to be the help you need. Prayers for that J, praise God. Today however, is my opportunity to influence the small voice in your brain above all the other garbage that says doing the work of school isn’t for you. It is J, you just have to find the right way your brain goes about accomplishing it and the rest, well…it’s just BS.

Here is the proof…YOU DID YOUR MATH with me today. Sure, it was only after I asked you to work on it in a different way, okay maybe I tricked you but you did it! You started in on one of your adventures which I welcomed and encouraged. A kick a*% story about Scott, Cindy, Josh and you at the park taking care of the facilities and tending to the tasks of the rocks which it sounds like you actually get to do in real life. Dumb rocks. No irony there, no sarcasm. Then you cleaned some desks with Clorox wipes to keep your hands busy which is not a surprise, your hands are always creating or busy doing something! As we talked about your adventures before you knew we were throwing math in to the adventure and BOOM, math work is done. HAPPY DANCE!

Don’t tell me your brain doesn’t work J because I know it does. Don’t listen to rocks when you are a diamond. Show us how diamonds work. Small voice J, it is there, don’t ever lose it.

Hebrews 9-10 Highlights:

Christ’s tabernacle, the presence of God (Christ’s spirit) is not part of human creation. It is not built by human hands. It is different!

Jesus sets aside the first to establish the second.

Jesus puts his laws in our hearts and minds.

Small voice J, it is spirit there in our hearts and minds. In spite of rocks.

Loved By Grace,

Aimee

Mindful Monday into Tuesday

Well, hello Monday! I don’t about you but life has been saying over here go ahead, make plans, double dare you. Insert laugh…there goes that thought. Humor is therapeutic to me.

This is my brain waves sitting at urgent care with my son Sunday night after a fever from h*%#, numb, passed out and weak. So there we were, oxygen mask and all on him which not going to lie, just a little tough to witness. Sadly I’m pretty sure he gets the anxiety piece from his mother among other not so pleasant traits which he is happy to remind me about on occasion. Needless to say we are fighting an aggressive infection and still are in to Tuesday.

But back to the urgent care visit. I couldn’t recall a time he had this intrusive horrible gem of a gagging medical procedure about to be done so I was very honest with him about what to expect before the doctor started in on him. An explanation without those dramatic words of course but this is what was going on in my head. Why? Because he is just like me and while I don’t like it, it is best to come out with the raw honest truth about it doctor. Don’t candy coat it, don’t try to tell us something it is not because we will see the BS in negative zero point seven seconds. Anyhoo, doc looks at him and says, well your throat is very swollen so you won’t feel a thing. I know my son, he feels EVERYTHING. Good luck with that strategy doc! No sarcasm or anything…

This is me Monday with a lot of time to read and write…last I checked no amount of sweet talking is going to change the fact that this is life. So, let’s go with the unconventional and let it stink for the moment.

I used to compound anxiety in these kinds of situations with the thinking that this must be happening because God is angry with me or I’m bad so this is why I’m sick or why I feel everything horrible about this thing I’m experiencing. But it couldn’t be further from the truth. Society much like the doctor says no, don’t feel this way or that way or you won’t feel it or you shouldn’t feel it. I now hear blah, blah, blah. Don’t be this, don’t be that, blah, blah, blah. No wonder we think God is angry or something! Nope. We are all crappy people, my son and I included and crappy things happen in life and they happen to all of us. It just stinks for the moment, not forever.

I would also be lying though if I said I’m handling these hard few couple of days like a champ. Whoever said we should not acknowledge the mess? That is crap. It can stink for the moment but that does not mean it will always stay dark or always stay bright. I finished a course recently where research shows the exact opposite is needed. Learn to cultivate self-compassion with mindfulness in the good and the bad.

I’m headed in to an intensive training soon where I will be counseling children who are grieving a death, in most cases the loss of a parent or close friend. The insurmountable emotions of a tragedy like this need to be acknowledged, not stuffed away. In doing so the darkest of dark can and will become oh so bright because of Jesus.

Mindfulness is not rearranging reality, the good or bad of life. It is allowing ourselves to feel, hold and honor our reality for what is in that time and space.

Loved By Grace,

Aimee

Above all Else

I hear you whispering your plans for me.

I ask why, it can’t be me.

Above all else and that is why.

Play It Right Now

One of my most favorite quotes is about living in the moment which is something I try to refocus myself on every day as much as possible. It is not an easy thing do at all times for an anxious person like myself but it just might be the single most strength Jesus has brought to life in me. Because the truth is all we really have is here and now. It is in that very moment the blessing exists, as simple as it might be for us. Don’t miss it.

If we are always looking back or running too fast ahead we can not always see it.

On hard days it always comes back to this, the very moment. Because in every moment there is something good to hold on to and Jesus helps us find it. Nothing is by chance, God is in all of it.

Not necessarily my New Year resolution but one to reaffirm every day.

Be still and know that He is God.

There are only two days in the year that nothing can be done. One is called yesterday and the other is called tomorrow, so today is the right day to love, believe, do and mostly live. ~ Dalai Lama

Loved By Grace,

Aimee

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Goodbye 2017

It all begins and ends in your mind. What you give power to has power over you if you allow it.

Therefore the only person who can rob anyone of joy is not from the external but rather a decision within ourselves to change our mindset.

Put down the rest, open the Bible.

Even but if a few minutes in the day.

It is the best, most reliable builder of joy.

And often times the hard answers are what bring the horizons. Because it takes faith to choose them but it’s the very place when Jesus is there.

Without a doubt. Happy New Year!

Loved By Grace,

Aimee

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